Category: Lyrics

Pull my finger. Memories of my grandfather, who was a bit of a prankster, flooded back to me as I recalled the first time he ‘pulled’ that gag on me. A flatulent gag steeped in tradition.

If you watch any TV, at some point, you will see an advertisement for a pharmaceutical drug to help with an ailment. The ads always show a montage of couples or families enjoying life together, laughing, riding bikes, or having a nice meal. As this montage of happiness is candy for the eyes, the narrator lists a litany of potentially serious side effects that this miraculous drug may cause.

You know that feeling when you walk into a room and forget why? You might stand there for a few minutes trying to remember why it was that you entered the room.

Short, bald, and fat

How the hell did I get like that?

I was once a “strapping young lad”

Now a third of the energy 

I once had

I wake up early Before the Sun  Lay quiet in bed But my day has begun I take my meds Three times a day  One hour before meals  Just like the pamphlets say I watch the news Of escalating crime Or play some cards To pass the time Then after lunch  It’s time for a…

Every neighborhood has one grumpy old man screaming at the children to get off his lawn. As a child, I have had the experience of the crabby old neighbor that yelled “Get off my lawn” at everyone.

They say getting old ain’t for sissies, but you have to admit, it beats the alternative. “I ain’t ready to check out yet!”

My jet-black hair

Is now silver gray 

At least what’s left 

of it anyway

Party all night long

Is what I’ve said 

But now by nine o’clock 

I’m ready for bed